Friends {31 for 21}

A friend is someone who can see the truth and pain in you even when you are fooling everyone else.  -Unknown       

“We'll be Friends Forever, won't we, Pooh?' asked Piglet.  Even longer,' Pooh answered.” - A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh

I have unbelievable friends.  Trying to articulate how I feel about them is impossible.  I just don't have the words or the eloquence to do them justice.  Let's just say I'm the luckiest girl in the world when it comes to the friend department.  In a perfect world where time was endless & there was no laundry to be done or children to feed or dogs to walk, I would write something about each & every one of you.  But time is precious here in the Wallace household & the laundry pile is spilling out into the hallway, so I will limit my ramblings to just one. 

The one I've known since elementary school.  The one who battled me for first chair in band & who made the "Fortnight - 2 weeks" outburst my claim to fame.  The one who consoled with me when I was dumped by State Champ 4,000 miles from home (just taking a stab at the distance between KC & France) & who corrupted all of us with the infamous "boy-girl" parties.

The one who made Schurz Hall the best damn dorm on Mizzou's campus.  The roommate who tolerated my bizarre study habits & hidden, deteriorating apple cores.

The only one I knew in Chicago when I made the move in 1998.  The one who let me crash at her place & run up ridiculously high phone bills while I was searching for a place of my own.

The one who hosted my bachelorette party while 6 months pregnant & who pretended to be having the time of her life at the smoky, overcrowded bars.

The one who agreed to be a bridesmaid in my wedding at 7 months pregnant.  Doubt you'll be wearing that dress again.

The one who hosted the best baby shower ever when I was pregnant with Reagan.  All baby showers should be DiaperKeggers at Mizzou football games.  Combine beer, barbecue, football & baby paraphernalia & everyone's happy.

When I was 3 weeks pregnant with Reese, I got a call from this giddy friend exclaiming, "I've got 2 pink lines!!".  For the men reading, this means she was knocked up.  It would be a happy occasion on any day, but it was even more special to us since we were both recovering from devastating miscarriages.  We were elated.  We would be fat & miserable together, our kids would be the best of friends, of course they would marry & live happily ever after.  Over the course of those 9 months, we shared everything.  Our fears of losing another pregnancy, our excitement of adding another child to the mix, our worries of being a mother in general, but always our genuine happiness for each other. 

Then Reese was born & everything changed.  I cringe at what I'm about to write, but I promised myself I would be honest about the feelings & emotions I've experienced along this journey.  If I pretended everything was roses from the beginning, our story would ring hollow & it wouldn't be fair to the moms or moms-to-be who might come here for an honest portrayal of our life.  So here it goes.  I was furious with my friend.  I was beyond jealous.  I longed to be her - to be pregnant again.  To be full of anticipation & excitement, not this overwhelming fear & unease.  I was worried she would go MIA.  My friend's baby was still marinating & I had already begun comparing.  Her kid would do everything before Reese & would struggle with nothing & I'd just have to grin & bear it.  I thought about cutting ties completely.

O.M.Goodness.  I shudder when reading those words.  I know they are true, part of me will never forget the intense pain that immediately followed Reese's birth, but I can't believe I let myself envision a world without my friend.  A world where I wasn't overjoyed when her son was born & genuinely happy when he took his first steps & said his first word.  I've thought a lot about those ugly thoughts & for awhile convinced myself I was an awful person.  How could I think those things about my dearest friend?  The friend that would take a bullet for me & practically anyone she knows.  Then it hit me.  I am human.  I was an overwhelmed, terrified, hormonal new mother & was working through my stages of grief.  Being mad & jealous with my friend was part of the healing process.  I have forgiven myself & I hope she forgives me too.

It's amazing what a year can do.  Now I ache for pictures of Lukie on Facebook & updates on his newest antics.  I look forward to our kids growing up together & for the lessons they will teach each other.  I know Lukie will accept Reese for exactly who she is because he has parents who will teach him that all people have value, regardless of chromosome count.  And because he has the genes of two of the kindest, most compassionate people I know.

Wanna know who managed to "just stop by" during a business trip between Oklahoma City & Columbia, MO to visit Reese after her OHS?  Wanna know who routinely texts me asking how Reese is doing & who sent her this onesie for her birthday?

And do you wanna know who cancelled Mizzou Homecoming plans (people, she lives in COMO - they bleed black & gold there) to instead support Reese at our annual Step Up For Down Syndrome Walk?  You guessed it, my friend.

I know you might be wondering what exactly this has to do with Reese & Ds.  If I could give any advice to new parents, it would be to cling to your friends & family.  Don't push them away or pretend that everything is wonderful if, in fact, it is not.  They want to be there for you - they just might not know exactly what to say or are fearful of saying the wrong thing.  You might be worried that your friends will vanish or not accept your newest bundle.  In my opinion, friends like that need to vanish.  We've been fortunate - our friends have welcomed Reese with open arms.  Maybe it's because we've chosen to surround ourselves with amazing people or because it's very hard not to fall in love with Reese or a combination of both.  Either way, our friends rock.

I can only hope all of my children will develop friendships as cherished as mine.  I hope they choose to befriend good, kind folks that will be loyal & honest.  Reagan & Reese are already forging new friendships & I will enjoy watching those relationships develop over the years. 

Moya, this one's for you.  Like I always tell the girls, I love you to the moon and back.