Expectations {31 for 21}

I'll admit, Ben dealt with Reese's Ds diagnosis much better than I did early on.  He is one of the lucky few who are truly able to live in the now & not worry about the future.  You know where my mind went when we got the news?  I wasn't thinking about her immediate health concerns or the fact that she had been whisked away to the NICU for observation.  I was thinking about dance recitals and birthday parties.  About soccer games and high school dances.  About driver's licenses and independent living.  When I should've been focusing on getting our girl healthy enough to come home, I was worrying about all the things a diagnosis of Down syndrome would prevent her from achieving.  I felt cheated.  Robbed of the life I was expecting.  And as accepting as Ben has been from the get-go, even he looked at me with red-rimmed eyes after hearing the news & said, "what will her life be like?"

It goes to show you how little we knew about Ds.  I honestly can't believe I once had such a limited view of the potential our kids possess.  To even consider a diagnosis of Ds would prevent Reese from making friends or playing sports or pursuing higher education now just seems utterly ridiculous.  We were so under informed, and therefore, we were scared.  Scared that just because Reese was born with extra genetic material, she would live a completely different life than her sister.  That she wouldn't appreciate a good book or savor a juicy steak or be transported by a magical sunset.  That she wouldn't bathe in the love of friends & family or be overwhelmed by an act of kindness by a stranger.  That she, in essence, would suffer.  Nothing makes me crazier than when I read an article about how someone "suffers from" or is "inflicted" with Down syndrome.  Seriously?  Does this look like suffering?

 or this??

 or this??

I know what you might be thinking.  Reese is one - of course she's not suffering.  But what about when she's older & more aware of her differences?  When she realizes it takes her longer to learn certain things & master different tasks.  When she discovers her future path might not resemble that of her peers.  Well, it's late & I'm too tired to search for the exact statistics, but a recent study published results of how adults with Ds view their lives.  An overwhelming majority (I'm talking like 90-something %) are happy with their lives and the way they look.  Could we say the same thing about the general population?  I doubt it. 

So, what exactly do we expect of Reese?

• We expect her to be kind, gracious & respectful.  With that, she will be held to the same standards as her siblings when it comes to manners, behavior & discipline.
• We expect her to discover her passions & cultivate them.  Whether it be sports, dance, music, art, ventriloquy, farbing (you get the picture), we will support & foster her individual interests.
• We expect her to make & maintain friends.  We expect some of those friends will share her designer genes, but we also expect her to befriend her typically-developing peers & those with special needs of a different nature. 
• We expect her to attend school & put forth her very best effort in the classroom.  Whether she spends the majority of her time in a general ed or special ed setting, we expect her to learn.
• We expect her to have crushes on boys...or girls (hey, we are equal opportunity around here) & with the territory we expect her to have her heart broken once or twice. 
• We expect her to show us what she can & cannot do rather than making assumptions about her abilities.  We expect she will fail at certain things but are certain she will excel at more.  If we allow her to be our guide, we expect she will reach the stars. 
• Most of all, we expect her to love & be loved.  This will be the easiest expectation to achieve.